FF VII Q & A
by QueenOfTheYaoi
Summary: Self exclamitory.  Ask whoever you want, whatever you want, and laugh at the hilarity that ensues.  :3
1. Chapter 1

"Hello people of America and maybe beyond, for those of you who don't already know me, I'm Michelle-sensei!" I say eagerly into the microphone. "I'd like to announce my new fanfic! But since I'm lazy, and since it was Reno's idea and not mine, I'll have him announce it!" Reno walks onto stage and grabs the microphone from me.

"Yo people of the internet! Reno Sinclair here to justify my friend's laziness!" He says, jabbing a thumb at me. "This was all her idea I swear, but I'm telling all a you that she don't own Final Fantasy VII. She don't even own the actual game! OR Advent Children, OR Dirge of Cerberus, OR Crisis Core, OR-Ack!" I kick Reno in the side to get him to shut up. He falls to the floor and I sit on him to keep him down.

"I didn't ask ya for all that, Reno. Anyways, since I am very bored and wanna try something new," Reno scoffs beneath me and I step on his head. "Well, new to me at least, I decided to do a Final Fantasy VII Q and A!"

"…What's a Q and A?" Reno asks. I roll my eyes.

"It means question and answer, for any of you that're having a "stupid as Reno" moment." Reno makes a "hmph" sound. I jab him in the side. "You ask the characters of Final Fantasy VII anything you want, and they'll answer it honestly! For example, Reno, is your hair naturally that color?" I hold the microphone to him. He turns his head to talk into it.

"Yes!" I conk him on the head with the microphone. "Ouuuuch…" He moans, rubbing where the impact was.

"I said honestly!" Reno rolled his eyes and I sigh. "Well, just ask anyone whatever may be probing your minds and I'll make them answer some way or another, alrighty? Bye guys! Say bye to the people, Reno."

"Bye to the people!"


	2. Hairy Situations

Reno: (plops onto a sofa and crosses his arms, pouting) Dude, this is no damn fair.

Zack: What's not fair?

Reno: What about those of us that're in Michelle-sensei's other fic, yo?

Everyone: …

Sephiroth: That is a good question. Why don't you ask her?

Reno: (shiver) You kidding, man? I value my life!

Yuffie: (giggle) aww c'mon, suck it up and deal with it! (pats Reno's shoulder)

Reno: She's scary, yo… T.T

Zack: (laughs) at least you don't have to screw Axel anym-

Reno: NEVER SPEAK OF IT! (goes to emo corner)

Michelle: (walks in with a huge mail bag and smiles innocently) Hello there people, you all ready?

Everyone: (groan)

Kadaj: (sigh) as ready as we're going to get, I'd think.

Michelle: Excellent! (digs into mail bag) Questions from KHGiggle.

_Well, I got a couple of questions.  
Hojo, are you related to Vexen (or Even as he used to be called)?  
Genesis, why are Banora whites blue? For that matter, why are they called Banora whites when they aren't even white?_

Hojo: Ah, do you know Even?

Michelle: I take it you know him?

Hojo: Of course, he was after all my apprentice until he turned twenty.

Everyone: O.o

Angeal: How old _are_ you exactly?

Hojo: (shrug) Older than you. (grin)

Everyone: (shiver)

Michelle: Wow, that explains quite a bit about Even's character… Genesis?

Genesis: Does it really matter? They're called dumbapples for a reason.

Michelle: (Glares at Genesis)

Genesis: Erm, right… Y'know how real apples start green and turn red when they're ripe? Same concept. Now stop looking at me like that!

Michelle: Thank you Gen! (hugs Genesis)

Genesis: -_-' You hang out with the puppy too much.

Michelle and Zack: HEY!

Angeal: (Sighs, digs in bag, and hands Michelle another letter) Just keep going, Michelle-sensei.

Michelle: (Pout) Fine… (snatches note) Next from MiniRapier.

_OMG YAY! There hasn't been one of these in a while! I got a question!_

_Kadaj, Loz, and Yazoo, which of you takes longest in the bathroom in the morning? Yeah, I know, random but I was curious!_

_Reno, Rude, Elena, and Tseng, same question._

_Cloud, Tifa, Vincent, Barret, and the rest of AVALANCHE, again same question._

_Sephiroth, Genesis, and Angeal, same question for yet a fourth time._

_BYE BYE!_

Michelle: Okay, this is my fault for not sayin' it before, but send in questions via reviews, NOT MY INBOX.

Kadaj and Loz: (turns slowly to Yazoo)

Yazoo: …What? I don't take any longer than the two of you do!

Kadaj: Liar. -.-

Loz: (gets up and walks to bathroom)

Yazoo: Not a lie, it's true!

Kadaj: Yazoo, do you see your hair?

Yazoo: Of course, what of it?

Loz: (reenters room holding a small pink straightener) You take two hours every morning just to straighten your hair. TWO HOURS! It's annoying when nature calls for the rest of us… T.T

Yazoo: -/- T-that's not mine!

Kadaj: Yes it is.

Everyone: (laughs hysterically)

Yazoo: You're not supposed to rat out your brother! (kicks Reno out of emo corner)

Reno: HEY! That's my spot, yo!

Yazoo: Mine now, so go away. (listens to randomly playing punk rock music)

Everyone: -_-'

Michelle: Alrighty then. Tseng, Rude, Reno, and Elena.

Rude and Tseng: (points at Reno)

Elena and Reno: (points at Tseng)

Michelle: (Snicker) Rude's bald, so he's kinda out of the contest. And Elena has short hair…so which is it? Reno or Tseng?

Rude: (goes to bathroom)

Elena: …Tough call. They both have insanely long hair.

Reno and Tseng: (glance at each other) We don't take _that_ long.

Rude: (scoffs and walks back into room, holding up two bottles) Black root touch up and red hair dye. (tosses Michelle the bottles)

Everyone: (gasp) O.O

Yuffie: Oh My Gosh, you dye your hair, Reno? I knew it! Hand over my gil, Cid!

Cid: Shiva fuckin' dammit! (gives Yuffie 20 gil)

Reno: I do _not_ dye my hair! I can prove it, too!

Michelle: How?

Reno: (pulls Michelle away somewhere)

Everyone: …

Seph: Perhaps we should have stopped them.

Barret: (laughs) You kiddin'? He tries anythin' and the girl's gonna kill 'im!

Seph: …Good point.

Reno and Michelle: (walks back into room)

Michelle: It's natural. -/-

Reno: Told ya so! (smirks victoriously)

Everyone: …We won't even ask.

Michelle: Now you explain, Tseng.

Tseng: It's root color. What's wrong with that?

Michelle: How old _are_ you? No way you're old enough for root coloring.

Tseng: On the contrary. I'm thirty-eight, after all.

Everyone but the Turks: You are? O.o

Michelle: Um, wow…shocking…you barely look twenty-six…

Tseng: (grins) And how old do you think Rude is, then?

Rude: Oh dear…

Michelle: Umm…Thirty-two?

Rude: …

Reno: (Snicker)

Elena: (giggle) Can we just move on before this turns into an age guessing contest?

Michelle: (smirk) If we must. Now it's AVALANCHE's turn!

AVALANCHE: (turns and looks at Vincent)

Vincent: …what?

Aerith: You take longer in the bathroom than me and Tifa put together.

Vincent: I do?

Cid: Yup. Hell, whattaya do in there?

Vincent: Well…does anyone have a comb?

Angeal: (gives a comb)

Vincent: (runs the comb through his hair, making it snap) My hair is difficult to untangle. You have no idea how many I've broken.

Everyone: O.o'

Angeal: …That was my favorite comb. T.T

Genesis: (scoffs) As if you don't have dozens more.

Michelle: And now the SOLDIER firsts!

Angeal: Isn't it obvious?

Genesis: Yeah, which of us has hair past their butt? And talks to it while he styles it?

Everyone: O.o

Zack: (snicker) Seph, you talk to your hair?

Seph: O-of course I don't!

Cloud: But you admit you take the longest?

Seph: Ye-NO! Exactly whose side are you on, Strife?

Cloud: (rolls eyes) The one that's winning.

Seph: …Fine, I take the longest, but I do not talk to my hair.

Genesis: (pulls out a recorder and presses play)

_Aah, my lovely strands, don't you look beautiful today…A few brushes and a bit of conditioner and you'll be silver and shiny…Soft and untarnishable…_

Everyone: (hysterically laughs)

Seph: O.O I hate you, Genesis… (joins Yazoo in emo corner)

Genesis: Love you too, Seph.

Michelle: (snicker) That's it for now, people. Hope you liked it, and make sure you ask some more questions.

Everyone: (groans)

Michelle: You can give them stuff too, if you want.

Everyone: :D

Michelle: Anyone wanna say the closing?

Genesis: Good bye.

Angeal: Good night.

Zack: AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS! :D

Cloud: …Alright, who gave Zack sugar?

Michelle: lol ^^


	3. Pairings, Pairings, Everywhere

Reeve: It appears our hostess is running late.

Reno: Yeah, where is she, yo?

Cloud: Rude's late, too.

Yuffie: Rude is late? Yup, the apocalypse is definately here.

Tseng: There is no apocalypse, Yuffie. I asked Rude to give Michelle-sensei a ride here.

Yuffie: ...Oh. Okie dokey then. ^^'

Rude: *walks in carrying Michelle on his back*

Everyone: O.o'

Tseng: ... *pinches bridge of his nose* Rude, when I asked you to pick her up, i didn't mean for you to take it _literally_...

Rude: *puts Michelle down and shrugs* She's hurt. *points to Michelle's bandaged ankle*

Everyone: ...

Reno: Well at least we know the chick ain't indestructable.

Aerith: Reno!

Reno: What?

Aerith: *sigh* What happened, dear?

Michelle: *Shrug* Just a little accident in karate. I'll live.

Aerith: Are you sure? Do you want me to heal you?

Michelle: Nah, I'm good. Rude bandaged it for me. ^^

Everyone: Really?

Rude: *nod*

Reno: *groan* You guys like her too much, she's the female Satan!

Seph: She's a fourteen year old girl.

Reno: Looks ain't everything!

Vincent: *sigh* May we just drop the subject for a while and answer our questions?

Michelle: FINALLY! Someone's gotten this chapter back on track! *digs into mailbag lying conviently at her feet* Here's one from Victoria Valentine101. Huh...That name sounds familiar...have we met?

Cloud: *sigh* as soon as we get the story on topic, she drags it off again... -.-'

_first off i am a Vincent fan so i want to say hi to him. second here is my Q to Sephiroth._

_Sephiroth, where do you keep your sword at? it's so long where does it go?_

_and Cloud, how do you get your hair to look like a chocobo?_

_BYE!_

Vincent: ...I have _fans_?

Michelle: You kidding? You have fan _clubs_.

Vincent: Should that worry me?

Cloud: Yes.

Yuffie: Yeah, but Cloud's anti social!

Cloud: Am not!

Vincent: ...That didn't answer my question exactly.

Seph: No.

Kadaj: But Sephiroth just likes the attention.

Seph: Little hypocrite.

Kadaj: Big attention whore.

Seph and Kadaj: *glares at each other*

Vincent: ...How did he _learn _that word? *glances at Yuffie*

Yuffie: *giggle* ^^

Michelle: *Angry groan* _Sometimes_. It depends how obsessive your fans are.

Vincent: Ah. Then hello Miss Victoria.

Michelle: For the record, if you had said that right away, we woulda saved a lot of time, but whatever. Sephiroth?

Seph: I carry Masamune in a sheath strapped to my back.

Reno: Really? Then wouldn't your hair get cut when you pulled it out?

Seph: I believe that's actually happened once or twice.

Everyone: O.o

Genesis: …A Sephiroth with short hair just doesn't look right.

Angeal: Agreed.

Michelle: Double agreed. And what about you, Cloud?

Zack: *Raises hand and jumps up and down* Ooh, I can answer it! Can I answer it for you, Spiky?

Cloud: …Sure, why not. -.-'

Zack: Yay! *Goes to the bathroom*

Everyone: …

Angeal: Where is he going?

Cloud: …Not sure. But my hair just sort of stays like this, regardless of what I do to it.

Tifa: I straightened it for him once. It re-spiked as soon as I finished.

Everyone: O.o

Cid: Damn…Anyone else just have a vision of Cloud with straight hair?

Everyone: *slow nod*

Cid: Good, I thought it was just me.

Zack: *Returns with a bucket of water* BANZAI! *Tosses water on Cloud*

Cloud: HOLY INFRIT IT'S COLD! *Shiver*

Zack: It was? Sorry. ^^' But look! *Goes and rings the water out of Cloud's hair*

Cloud: *Hair springs back into it's original chocobo styled glory*

Everyone: *Gasp* O.O

Reno: Oh crapples, his hair has a mind of it's own!

Cloud: *shrug* I have weird hair.

Michelle: Understatement, Cloud. Let's do another one, shall we? *pulls another letter* Here's one from TheLadyOfFantasy.

_Hai there pplz!_

_first I say to you michelle, thank you. :3_

_and next, a question for cloud, zack, vincent, cid, reno, rude, tseng, the trilogy, the remnants, and basically all of the other male main characters. Listen and listen good, for I shall only ask once, and I know this is on everyone's mind._

_ARE YOU GAY?_

_that is all. ^^_

Males: O.O

Females: XD

Cloud: What...

Seph: ...The...

Zack: ...Fuzznuggles!

Everyone: ...Fuzznuggles?

Zack: Yes, fuzznuggles. B3

Everyone: ... *Looks at Angeal*

Angeal: ...What? It isn't my fault he has enough decency not to use profanity. That was one moral he had _before _I became his mentor.

Michelle: Okay, does Zack's profanity substitutes really matter at the moment? What matters is getting this question answered! :3

Reno: Why does everyone think we're gay? T.T

Zack: Yeah, we're all straight!

Michelle: *shrug* Fangirls don't care. They'll make you gay whether you are or not.

Tseng: Well then fangirls are odd creatures.

Michelle: *pout* I am not odd! ...Okay, yes I am, but that's beside the point. Even weirder than being made gay by fangirls, is the people you get paired with.

Females: *squeal* X3

Males: O.o

Zack: Who do we get paired with?

Michelle: Lessee...you're usually paired with Cloud.

Zack: Oh really? *smirk*

Cloud: *sigh* Don't give me that look, Zack, I don't feel like being raped today. -.-

Zack: Aww. When will you be in the mood then?

Cloud: NEVER!

Zack: *pout*

Michelle: *giggle* You've been paired with Sephiroth, Angeal, and Reno too.

Zack: ...Okay, now Sephy and 'Geal I can understand, but _Reno_?

Reno: Hey!

Michelle: *shrug* It's always either best friends or worst enemies.

Reno: Who do I get paired with then?

Michelle: Usually with Rude. Tseng, Cloud, and Yazoo are popular pairings with you, too.

Yazoo: _What_? O.o

Loz: Don't cry, Yazoo.

Yazoo: Shut it, Loz...

Kadaj: I'm going to regret asking, I know I will, but what about me?

Michelle: You ain't gonna like the answer.

Kadaj: *shrug*

Michelle: Fine. You've been paired with Cloud and Seph before, but most commonly you're paired with another Remnant. Actually, it's usually all three of you together.

Remnants: O/ / /O

Kadaj: ...I...err...that...yeah...wasn't expecting that...

Loz: ... *shocked silent*

Yazoo: Do all fangirls enjoy incest?

Michelle: *shrug* a lot of em.

Yazoo: Ah. Excuse me, I need to go puke my guts up. -.- *leaves room*

Michelle: Told ya you wouldn't like the answer.

Kadaj: But...that's just...severe...

Michelle: A fact I'm well aware of. *goes to check on Yazoo* Poor Yazoo got sick. I gave him antacid and sent him to bed, no one bug him.

Barret: Heh, she ain't too bad at playin' mother hen for an evil brat.

Michelle: Hmph!

Vincent: ...I'm afraid to ask at this point.

Michelle: But I shall tell regardless. ^^ You get paired with Cid a lot, but you're popular with Cloud, too. You also get paired with one of the Turks every now and then, usually Reno or Tseng.

Cid: *gapes so wide his cigarette falls out of his mouth*

Vincent: ...

Cloud: Vincent...are you..._blushing_?

Vincent: N-no, of course not...

Cloud: Have I ever told you how bad you are at lying to me?

Vincent: I'm just...trying to imagine it...and honestly, I can't.

Cloud: That makes two of us.

Michelle: ^^ Anyone else wanna know who they get paired with?

Everyone: ...

Michelle: Didn't think so. :3

Zack: I got a question, though.

Michelle: And that would be?

Zack: Does Hojo get paired with someone?

Michelle: Nope.

Everyone: *sigh of relief*

Hojo: Hmph. That was rude.

Reno: *smirk* Nope, he's Rude. *points to Rude*

Hojo: ... *leaves room*

Michelle: ...Wow. Good job, Reno.

Reno: Thank you, spawn of Satan.

Michelle: ...Anyway, I think that's it for now. Send in some questions, kay?

Denzel: Please?

Marlene: Pretty please?

Zack: Pretty please with ice cream and chocolate syrup on top and a cherry?

Everyone: O.o

Zack: Yes, I'm craving ice cream, anyone got an issue with that?

Everyone: ... -.-'

Michelle: Oh boy. Just send in a question, alright? C'mon Zack, let's get triple hot fudge sundaes! ^^

Zack: YAY! *hefts Michelle over his shoulder and runs out*

Tseng: ...She truly is an odd girl.

Reno: Yeah, an odd _evil _girl, yo.

Kadaj: Would an evil girl had gone to check on Yazoo?

Reno: Well, no, I guess not...But she's still evil!

Cloud: Evil or not, she knows how to handle Zack, and for that I am _very _grateful.

Angeal: I'll drink to that.

Seph: As shall I.

Reno: Amen.

Genesis: Agreed.

Cloud: ...And now I kind of want ice cream.

Everyone: -.-'


	4. Thievery!  :D

Zack and Michelle: (comes into the studio, munching on ice cream bars)

Everyone: -.-'

Genesis: How long were the two of you out?

Zack: Umm...good question. How long were we out, Michelle? (munch munch)

Michelle: Long enough for us to have 32 brainfreezes between us. (munchity munch munch) B3

Zack: Oh. So an hour then?

Everyone: O.o'

Reno: Yo, don't we have some questions to answer or somethin'?

Michelle: Indeed we do, Reno! (munches the rest of the ice cream and throws the stick out a window) Hey Yuffie, you mind doing the honors?

Yuffie: Sure! (Goes into bag and pulls out an envolope, handing it to Michelle)

Michelle: Alright then, here's one from KHGiggle.

_Huh, I thought I sent in a question for this chapter, but it wasn't mentioned. Must be because of the computer problems I'm having. Anyway, Hojo's explanation explained a lot about Vexen, including why he decided to clone someone really similar to Sephiroth, which brings up the question I asked._

To anyone who can answer this: Are Riku and Sephiroth connected in any way? The two are really similar, and not just in the looks department.

And to Yuffie: What is the weirdest thing you've ever stolen?

Michelle: I'm sorry hun, you did send in a question, I just didn't see it until after I picked questions. But I'm doing them now! :D So who knows the answer? Are Riku and Sephiroth connected?

Remnants: ...Who's Riku?

Cloud: This is him. (Gives Kadaj a picture and points to Riku)

Remnants: ...

Kadaj: Oh yeah, I'm not the youngest anymore! WOO!

Yazoo: ...We have another brother?

Loz: I wanna meet him! :D

Angeal: ...Now that I think about it, weren't you boasting about sleeping with a woman while on vacation on Destiny Island, Sephiroth?

Michelle: (gasp) You don't think...

Yuffie: No way! It couldn't be...right?

Tifa: It could be! They look alike, they act alike, it's totally possible!

Michelle, Yuffie, and Tifa: SEPHIROTH IS RIKU'S FATHER!

Everyone: (gasp) O.O

Zack: Pfft, hahahahaaa! This is Seph we're talking about! He's not made to fit the role of parenthood!

Seph: I heard that.

Zack: You were supposed to. B3

Seph: ...

Angeal: I know what you're thinking. Don't do it. Use this instead. (gives Seph duct tape)

Seph: (smiles evilly and duct tapes Zack's mouth shut)

Zack: MMMRRMMPH!

Michelle: ...Poor Zack. But the show must go on! Yuffie?

Yuffie: Umm...the weirdest thing I've ever stolen...probably Cid's toenail clippings.

Cid: _What_?

Yuffie: Or maybe Reno's undies.

Reno: The hell? When didja do that?

Yuffie: Just now! ^^ (holds up red boxers)

Reno: ... (looks in pants)

Rude: Arent those the boxers you put on this morning?

Reno: (dazed) I...you...pants...HOW THE HELL DID YOU _DO _THAT?

Yuffie: (giggle) I needed _something _to string up the flagpole!

Reno: ...You know what, just keep 'em. -.-'

Michelle: ...Okay then. That was odd.

Tseng: Quite. (pulls out another letter) Shall we continue, Michelle-sensei?

Michelle: We shall. :3 (takes letter) Here's a few from organization13girl.

_Yay I love you guys!_

Kadaj:Your the best dude!What is your weakness and can I have a hug?

Cloud:Who do you love?

Reno:I thought you were supposed to be then why did you get owned by Yazoo?

Vincent:Hi Vincent I just want to say I think your really cool.

Everyone:Have you ever seen Buffy The Vampire Slayer?

Michelle: ...I love you. I love you so much, just cuz you asked Reno and Cloud that. B3 So, Kadaj?

Kadaj: I have no weakness, for I am epic like that.

Loz: -.-'

Yazoo: ... (holds up a chocolate bar)

Kadaj: Ooh, chocolate! :D (takes the bar and om noms on it)

Everyone: O.o

Yazoo: He has a weakness for sweets. Does that count?

Michelle: Very much so.

Loz: We don't usually give him any, though. He gets hyper.

Michelle: ...Should that worry me?

Kadaj: (glomps organization13girl) Nopenopenope, shouldn'tworryyouabit, they'relying, Icanhandlesugarperfectlywell, andcanIhavesomemorepleeeeease?

Michelle: ...A glomp counts as a hug, right?

Zack: That depends. (glomps Cloud) Does this feel like a hug? :3

Cloud: No...it feels like I'm getting crushed by an oversized puppy...

Zack: Then it counts as a hug. :)

Tseng: ...Didn't Sephiroth duct-tape his mouth shut?

Angeal: (sigh) I knew that wouldn't hold him for long.

Michelle: ...From now on, I'm referring to being hugged like that as getting Zack-glomped. Next question! Cloud?

Cloud: ...that's a good question. Do I really have to answer it?

Reno: Either that, or we make everyone kiss you and see who gets you hard.

Zack: Ooh, me first~! ;3

Michelle: Godsdammit Reno, that was my line! D:(

Reno: Ah, deal with it and let me be evil for a change, spawn of Satan.

Michelle: And since Cloud has yet to answer the question, Zack, go ahead.

Zack: Yay~! (backs Cloud against the wall) Oh Spiiiiikyyy~

Cloud: o/ / /o Z-Zack...b-back up a few feet.

Zack: Hmm... (taps chin) I don't think I will. (Kisses Cloud's lips)

Cloud: Mmm... (unconsciously kisses back)

Yuffie (videotaping this)

Michelle: Yay, the first kiss of the fanfic! And a yaoi one, too! :D

Vincent: So, Cloud...he's...homosexual?

Reno: Nah, he's bi.

Tifa: And how do you know?

Reno: How d'you think I know? ;)

Everyone: O/ / /O

Michelle: That reminds me, Reno, you still have a question to answer. B3

Reno: Um... (scratches the back of his head) Well...y'see...the thing is...

Yazoo: Oh yes, he did get owned. Quite badly.

Reno: Hmph! He just got me on an off day is all! (pout)

Michelle: So you're telling me, that if the two of you were to have a rematch, you _wouldn't _have your ass handed to you?

Reno: Well, I'm not saying _that_...

Tseng: (Pinches the bridge of his nose) Reno, just admit that he's the better fighter and save yourself, and the Turks, from more embarassment.

Reno: ...Fine, Yazoo's a better fighter than me! There, ya happy?

Michelle: Quite. Vincent, any comments?

Vincent: I'm questioning what the fangirls see in me.

Cid: You kiddin', Vince? Dames love pretty faces and mysterious personalities and crap like that.

Michelle: Bingo! :3 Ya got looks, ya got power, ya got edginess, what's not to see?

Vincent: ...I suppose. I wonder how many more fangirls I have lurking about.

Michelle: Plenty, I promise. ^^ And last, Buffy the Vampire Slayer! :D

Tifa: Y'know, the first time Marlene watched that show she had a nightmare about Buffy coming to kill Vincent.

Marlene: It was scary! T.T (huggles Vincent)

Vincent: (pats Marlene's head) But I'm not a vampire.

Cid: But ya look like one.

Vincent: How?

Michelle: Open your mouth.

Vincent: (does as told)

Michelle: Exhibit A, fang-like canines.

Tifa: Exhibit B, pale skin.

Yuffie: Exhibit C, red eyes.

Aerith: Exhibit D, your choice of clothing.

Vincent: What's wrong with my clothes?

Michelle: Nothing, they're just so...dark. And vampire-ish.

Genesis: Inventing words now, are we?

Michelle: Yup. B3

Vincent: ...I'm still not a-

Everyone: Yes you are.

Michelle: I think that's it for the time being. Time for the closing! Cloud, Zack, mind doing the honors?

Yuffie: They're still kissing! (continues to videotape it)

Everyone: ... -.-'

Michelle: ...Someone either get me a whip, a fly swatter, or a very heavy baseball bat.

Tifa: No dangerous weapons, honey. (gives fly swatter)

Michelle: (pout) Fine, this'll do. KAWASAKIIIII! (smacks Cloud and Zack upside the head)

Zack and Cloud: OWW! (rubs head)

Michelle: Zack, stop trying to get into Cloud's pants! Cloud, stop being so out of character! And both of you, get the frick over here and say the Shiva frickin' closing! D:(

Zack and Cloud: ... (gulp)

Zack: G'night to all of our happy readers~! :)

Cloud: And even good night to our not so happy ones.

Zack and Cloud: There, all finished.

Michelle: Good boys. Now you can leave to go screw each other. :3

Zack: ... (devilish smirk)

Cloud: ...uh oh. (runs)

Zack: GET BACK HERE! ):D (chases Cloud)

Michelle: ...Ah, young love. Tis the paving for the entryway of a life filled with happiness and heartbreak alike. ^^'

Genesis: Ah, a fellow poet~! Quite right.

Angeal: (videotaping the chase scene) Indeed.

Michelle: Although, if Zack doesn't control his horomones, I think Cloud will break more than just his heart...

Genesis: Again, quite right.

Seph: Poor boy, his lower regions are as good as gone once he pushes Strife too far.

Michelle: Very true. Should we save him, then?

Michelle, Angeal, Genesis, and Seph: (looks at each other, to the chase scene, then back at each other) ...Nah.


	5. Poetry, Questions, and More Thievery

Genesis: (walking into studio) I personally find the works of Miss Elizabeth Barrett Browning to be very moving. The way she relates love to even simplistic mannerisms is quite lovely~!

Michelle: (walking in beside Genesis) Ooh, definately! Her work is a big influence on romantic poets of today. The complex yet relatable sonnets written by Shakespeare are one of my favorites. I simply _love _how he includes the emotional aspects of nature within the human mind in them~!

Everyone: O.O'

Michelle and Genesis: ...What?

Angeal: And where were you two?

Michelle: I took him to my favorite poetry cafe! It was open microphone tonight, too! Genesis read aloud for me; it was beautiful!

Genesis: It was nothing. Perhaps next time you'll join me on stage? Don't doubt your talent, your work was wonderful. You shouldn't be so shy about it.

Everyone: ...

Angeal: She can control Zack's hyperactivity, _and _she can get Genesis to play nice. She _must _be Superwoman.

Reno: Aww, c'mon, yo! Don't tell me the evil brat has you fooled, too! D:)

Seph: What's the matter? They've bonded over a common intrest.

Reno: She's playin' you guys to get on your good side! I could see what she had in common with Genesis and Zack, but what could Rude possibly like about her?

Rude: She's a Karate blackbelt.

Reno: And you ain't! B3

Tseng: Regardless, Karate is a martial art that focuses mainly on hand-to-hant techniques, and Rude is a trained fist fighter. The (air quotes) "thread that binds them" that you're looking for is the fact that they both prefer to use their hands to fight instead of weapons.

Reno: ...Damn, Tseng, you just can't freakin' let me win, can ya?

Tseng: No, not at all.

Reno: ...hmph. fine, but I got my eye on you, spawn of Satan. (pout)

Michelle: (giggle) gotcha. Now...where's the mailbag?

Tifa: Yuffie stole it.

Yuffie: (bursts out of a closet) Aww! Tifa, you just had to tell her! (gives Michelle the bag) No one lets me have any fun...

Michelle: Don't worry Yuffie, you and I can go steal stuff once we're done here.

Yuffie: YAY! :D

Everyone: ... (gulp)

Michelle: (digs in mailbag) Okay, we actually got an answer from some questions we already did. So here's organization13girl's responses to your answers. ^^

_But not a fangirl...just a fan that so happens to be a girl. ^^_

Kadaj:I will never say this again,but thats cute!*gives chocolate*

Yazoo:Could I help you find Mother?

Reno:Yay!You admit you got pwned!

Cloud:O.O Never expected..nevermind..

Yuffie:Another talented theif!

Thats all!Gracias for answerin!

Everyone: ...Oooookay then.

Vincent: Fan plus girl still equals fangirl.

Cid: Ha! (lights a cigarette) So says Vince the math wiz.

Cloud: ...for those of you who don't get that joke, Vincent hates math but is the only one of us who's really good at it.

Yuffie, Tifa, and Aerith: HEY!

Cloud: Fine, the only _male _who's good at it.

Red XIII and Cait Sith: Excuse me?

Cloud: ...Alright, the only _human _male who's good at it.

Reeve: Haha, I hadn't realized I'd changed species! :)

Cloud: ...Screw it, I can't make it any better than that. -.-'

Kadaj: Aww, she called me cute. :3 (munches on chocolate)

Loz: uh oh.

Seph: Three...Two...One...

Kadaj: Y'? Chocolateandpeanutbutter! Yumyumyumyumyum! :D

Yazoo: ...aaaaand he's off. -.-'

Michelle: organization13girl, did I forget to tell you I love you? You seriously just set them up for torture. XD

Kadaj: (smiling at Cloud) OohcanIridethebigbirdie?

Cloud: No.

Kadaj: Aww...thencanIgivehimahaircut? CanIcanIcanIpleeeease? (holds up scissors)

Cloud: ...where did you _get _those from?

Kadaj: (shrug) BANZAI! (pounces on Cloud)

Cloud: Oh hell no, stay away from me with those! (runs)

Kadaj: STAYSTILLSOICANPREENYOU!

Zack: Hey, you can't chase Cloud, only I can chase Cloud! D:) (pouts and chases Kadaj)

Everyone: ... -.-'

Yazoo: Moving on...We don't have to find her. Technecally speaking, we know where she is. But you can't help anyway. We don't want to make an innocent girl get hurt, we aren't _that _evil.

Michelle: ...Wow, Yazoo is chivalrous. O.o

Yazoo: Of course I am. I'd never harm a lady. Why wouldn't I be?

Michelle: Cuz you're Sephiroth's allure, and Seph killed Aerith and wounded Tifa. So he hurt women.

Yazoo: Big brother isn't as respectful of women as I am.

Seph: I'm still in the room.

Michelle and Yazoo: We know.

Reno: Yeah yeah, live it up. I ain't doing it ever again. (pout)

Yazoo: You don't have to. (pulls out a sharpie)

Reno: W-what're ya gonna do w-with that, yo? (gulps nervously and backs up)

Yazoo: This. (backs Reno against a wall and writes on his forehead)

_Owned by Yazoo, now and forever_

Everyone: ...Hahahahahahaha! XD

Reno: (blushes and tries to wipe off the marker)

Zack: ...Aren't sharpies permanent?

Yazoo: Yup.

Reno: _What_? ! You ass!

Michelle: (gives Reno ink remover) No marking your territory, Yazoo. Only dogs do that. Let's move on now.

Cloud: Yeah, I wasn't expecting it either. (glares at Zack)

Zack: B3 (winks and blows Cloud a kiss)

Cloud: ... -/ / /-

Angeal: I wasn't aware that you went that way, puppy.

Zack: (whispering in Angeal's ear) I don't, but this is too freakin' fun~!

Angeal: (sigh) What flowers would you like at your funeral?

Zack: I'm rather fond of roses. :)

Angeal: Lillies it is.

Zack: Hmph!

Yuffie: Ooh, are you a thief too? :D

Aerith: Yuffie, it isn't nice to encourage stealing.

Yuffie: (pout) But if she already does, then I haven't done anything!

Michelle: De nada, mi amiga~! (digs in mailbag again) Okay, let's get some actual questions this time. Here are some more from KHgiggle. :3

_No wonder those two are so much alike. Poor Sora, having to deal with the spawn of Sephiroth..._

Sephiroth: What were you doing on Destiny Islands in the first place?

Turks: Do you know if anyone else has any unknown illegimate children? You seem like you'd have this type of information.

Reno: Are you related to Axel? Seriously, you two look like you could be identical twins.

Thank you for putting up with my awkward questions!

Michelle: But Sora obviously doesn't mind dealing with Riku! :D And I don't care how awkward your questions are, as long as you're asking them, I'm happy. :3 So, Seph?

Seph: As Angeal said, I was on vacation. And for the record, I wasn't gloating about sleeping with a woman. I was...

Genesis: Basking in the victory of getting laid and sharing the victory with your fellow men?

Seph: Indeed.

Genesis: Sephiroth?

Seph: Yes, Genesis?

Genesis: They're the same thing.

Seph: ...Oh.

Michelle: Okay, while Seph gets a reality check, what do the Turks have to say?

Elena: Step back boys, I can handle this.

Tifa: The fangirl of the Turks has taken the stage! ^^

Elena: Yes she has. :3 Let's see...Cloud has twin sons named Roxas and Ventus.

Cloud: _What_?

Elena: Reno has a daughter named Kairi.

Reno: Like Hell I do! I use condoms for a _reason_, 'Lena!

Elena: Angeal has a son named Vanitas, whom is also Zack's younger brother.

Angeal: ...Wouldn't that make _Zack _my son as well?

Zack: (glomps Angeal) Papa! :D

Angeal: Sit, boy.

Zack: (sits)

Elena: Sephiroth, obviously, has a son named Riku.

Seph: How many times do I have to say I don't?

Elena: Aerith has a son named Sora, whom might I add is totally gay for Riku.

Aerith: (giggle) Sora does look like me a bit, doesn't he?

Yuffie: And he's definately gay for Riku. :3

Elena: And I think that's it.

Seph, Cloud, Reno, Angeal, and Zack: ... (shocked silent)

Michelle: Uh oh. If it shocked Reno and Zack silent, it can't be good.

Tifa: (giggle) better fess up, Elena.

Elena: Aww. Fine. You guys can stop worrying, I was just kidding.

Cloud, Reno, and Zack: DON'T JOKE LIKE THAT!

Seph: ...I love how only the _young _ones are panicking.

Angeal: Indeed.

Michelle: ^^ Your turn, Reno~!

Reno: (shiver) That sarcastic, narcissistic, idiotic asshole ain't related to me AT ALL!

Everyone: ...?

Michelle: In my truth or dare story, Reno and Axel were basically forced to-

Reno: NEVER SPEAK OF IT!

Michelle: ...Anyways, he never got over it, so now he supposidly hates Axel.

Reno: And fangirls, don't forget the fangirls.

Michelle: Yes Reno, the fangirls too. Well, I think I'm done for now. Leave a review for me, kay? C'mon Yuffie, let's go pillage!

Yuffie: Yay! (throws down a smokebomb, making her and Michelle vanish)

Everyone: ... -.-'

Zack: ...I just realized something.

Angeal: Oh? And what's that?

Zack: How many people have keycards to their apartments?

Everyone: (raises hands)

Zack: And how many of you still have them on you?

Everyone: ... (checks pockets and puts hands down)

Zack: Yup. That's what I thought.

Tseng: They stole our cards without _moving_?

Reno: I told ya, she's the spawn of Satan!

Seph: What Miss Michelle is doesn't matter at the moment. Two thieves have the keycards to our apartments. Does that not worry any of you?

Everyone: ... (gasp) O.O (runs to their apartments)

Seph: That's what I thought.

Reno: (trying to tiptoe out of room)

Seph: Stop right there.

Reno: EEP!

Seph: I expect you to return all of the keycards.

Reno: What? How'd you-

Seph: I'm me, Reno. I know things. Now, no more pranks on the hostess.

Reno: (pout) Fine, killjoy...

Seph: Killjoy? I just saved you from dying a painful death at Michelle's hands for framing her.

Reno: ... (gulp) Good point.


	6. Answers to Answers to Answers  Oo

Yuffie and Michelle: (walking in, giggling)

Reno: YOU TWO! (runs up to them) WHAT DID YOU STEAL? TELL ME!

Yuffie and Michelle: (look at each other, then back at Reno)

Michelle: Um...Cloud's materia stash.

Cloud: _What_?

Yuffie: Seph's masamune.

Seph: ...you two are officially on my hitlist.

Michelle: All of Zack's hairgel.

Zack: Hey! That stuff ain't cheap!

Yuffie: Rude's sunglasses.

Rude: ...Wow. Just...wow.

Michelle: Angeal's buster sword.

Angeal: ...You two are lucky that you're girls.

Yuffie: Genesis' LOVELESS book.

Genesis: ...What Angeal said.

Michelle and Yuffie: And that's about it.

Reno: Ha! I told you she's no good!

Michelle: Hmph. How rude. We put it all back!

Yuffie: Even Cloud's materia! And he had some pretty valuable ones... T.T

Michelle: We were just making sure we didn't get rusty. I'd never really steal from my allies.

Everyone: ... (turns to Reno)

Reno: ^^' Um...my bad?

Zack: For the last time, dude, she isn't evil.

Michelle: Yes I am! D:

Zack: Well, not to us you aren't!

Reno: ...Whatever. (pout)

Everyone: -.-'

Michelle: Well, let's get started, shall we? Who has the bag today?

Marlene: I do~! (digs in the bag and hands Michelle a letter) Here ya go!

Michelle: Thanks, Marlene. :3

Marlene: -^^-

Michelle: And here's one from Riayna Darkheart!

_Oh my! I can't believe I've actually found a good FFVII Q&A._

_These are oh so rare._

_I don't have questions now._

_Actually, it will take some time to make up GOOD questions, but I'll still be the faithful reader in the shadows._

_Just wanted to thank you for hosting this Q&A, even though I'm sure your, um, cast is not as thankful._

_Seriously, they should be._

_Who else will bring them popularity since Square-Enix isn't?_

_It's up to us busy fangirls to keep the legends alive!_

_Actually, now I do have One question._

_Everyone: What have you all been doing since the last game came out? Vacation? Other jobs? etc. Do they at least pay you for the events of Final Fantasy 7 and its spin-offs? They've probably made millions off of that series. Not to mention you all risked your lives in the process._

_Ta-ta and may no one else get killed off by any other twisted idea Square-Enix comes up with._

Everyone: ...

Michelle: This comment seriously made my day. :3 They _are _rare, which is precisely why I made this one. And it really is up to the fangirls, isn't it? XD And yeah, Squeenix has to stop killing people off. So, guys? What've you been up to? And seriously, do you get paid to do this crap?

Reno: Yup. We get paid a lot. About 100,000 gil per day. And Final Fantasy 7 took nearly three years to finish, so you do the math. :3

Cloud: And then Advent Children took another two years to do.

Zack: Crisis Core took four more.

Tseng: Before Crisis took about three years.

Vincent: Dirge of Cerberus was a four-year production as well.

Michelle: So...that's sixteen years altogether. O.o

Aerith: (giggle) A lot of them were being shot at the same time, though.

Tifa: Hence why we don't look that old.

Michelle: But altogether, that's still sixteen years worth of work. So...sixteen times 365, and then times that by 100,000...yeesh, I can't do that in my head. O.o'

Rude: It's somewhere around 400,000,000 gil.

Michelle: ...How much is that in dollars?

Tseng: I believe that converts to about 50,000,000 dollars.

Michelle: O.O Let's get off the money topic now. What have you guys been doing since the last game?

Tifa: Taking care of the Seventh Heaven! :)

Cloud: Expanding my delivery service.

Reno: Me and SOLDIER boy over there got forced into being models.

Everyone: WTF? O.o

Zack: Well, not forced exactly...more like we got recruited by the photographer.

Michelle: Randomly?

Reno and Zack: Randomly.

Michelle: ...Wow.

Genesis: Acting~

Michelle: Now _that _doesn't surprise me.

Seph: Sword training.

Michelle: Nor does that.

Angeal: Teaching.

Michelle: Nor does _that_.

Aerith: Gardening.

Yuffie: Stealing! :D

Cid: Flying.

Michelle: Or those.

Rude: ...Kareoke.

Everyone: O.O

Michelle: Okaaaaay, that one surprised me. Let's move on now, kay? (digs in the mailbag) We got...I dunno what to call this. An answer to the answers you gave to her answers to your answers to her questions...? Oh well. Here's another one from organization13girl. :D

_Michelle:Yes, yes you did, and thank you.I just thought he's adorable like that._

_Vincent:If your so good at math what does shut plus up mean?_

_Kadaj:Still cute...can't believe you got me to say that again..._

_sooo want some more? XD_

_Yazoo:-_- I forgot to tell you guys I'm a major tomboy didn't I?Well do you HAVE mother?If not,can I help?_

_Reno:Poor, poor Reno.I wasn't going to live it up, but now that you told me, your doomed. XD Don't worry, I'll be kind every now and then._

_Cloud:Umm...I got nothing for you, sorry._

_Yuffie:Mhm!*holds up Cid's, Reno's and Rufus's wallets.*Now I got plenty of money!_

_Rufus:Where have you been in the last...ohh two months?_

_Cid:Your probably the funniest of everyone!I shall never torture you, unless I feel like it.I just saved you from the wrath known as Kassie._

_Thanks again and I got a laptop from my parents!_

Michelle: ...This girl is my _SISTER_.

Everyone: WTF? O.o

Angeal: You're related to the reviewer?

Michelle: Of course not! But she's a tomboy, a thief, she tortures people for fun, she's a smart aleck, AND she thinks Kadaj is cute! She's just like me! AND she's my sister in the faith of Final Fantasy 7 fans! :D (glomps organization13girl)

Tifa: ^^' Hows about you let your sis breathe and come back over here to get these questions answered?

Michelle: (pout) Fine. He is adorable, though. And good, just checking. :3 Vince?

Vincent: Someone never learned manners. You're a human being. Act like one.

Cid: ...Did Vincent just call the chick a bitch?

Everyone: (nods) O.o

Michelle: (gasp) _Vincent_! (slaps the back of Vincent's head)

Vincent: _What_? (rubs head) That hurt...

Michelle: I don't give a damn, stop antagonizing the reviewers! _You're _a human being, too, so why don't _you _act like one and behave?

Vincent: ...Fine.

Michelle: Don't do it again.

Kadaj: If it gets me free chocolate, then I like being cute~! :3 And yes! :D

Everyone: _NO_!

Cloud: Too late. (points at Kadaj)

Kadaj: ... (hides the chocolate bar wrappers behind his back and smiles innocently with brown coated lips)

Yazoo: Oh. (covers ears)

Loz: My. (covers mouth)

Seph: Goddess. (covers eyes)

Tseng: ...see no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil.

Everyone: ...wow. O.o

Zack: So Kadaj is the evil?

Kadaj: YupyupyupI'mtotallyevil! IshallruleGaia! RAWR!

Seph: I knew I should have bought those tranquilizer darts...

Angeal: Here. (gives Seph a blowtube)

Seph: Ah. (blows a dart at Kadaj)

Kadaj: (gets hit in the neck) ...Ouch. (falls to the floor, asleep)

Everyone: ...

Genesis: Angeal, why do you carry _tranquilizer darts _with you?

Angeal: I have to use them on Zack on occasion.

Everyone: ... (looks at Zack, then back to Angeal) Understandable.

Zack: Hey!

Michelle: Let's just move on already. Yazoo, any comments?

Yazoo: (staring at the dart in Kadaj's neck) Hmm? Oh, right. Yes, you did neglect to mention that. And no, we don't have her. I suppose you can help, if you'd like.

Loz: I didn't know we were accepting new recruits, brother.

Yazoo: We aren't.

Loz: Then why is she...?

Yazoo: If she wants to help, let her.

Loz: Oh. Okay.

Reno: O.O Aww damn...

Zack: Be afraid, Reno.

Michelle: Be very afraid indeed. B3

Reno: ... (gulp)

Cloud: S'okay.

Yuffie: Ooh, yay! wanna come steal with me, then? You, me, and Michelle! :D

Cid: GIMME BACK MY GODDAMN WALLET!

Rufus: ...I don't carry a wallet. O.o

Reno: What the hell, yo! That's like the third time my wallet's been freakin' stolen in Michelle's fics! D:

Michelle: That's Michelle-_sensei_, to you, Reno. :( Well, Rufus?

Rufus: Recovering at Healin Lodge.

Zack: Obvious to those who've watched Advent Children.

Michelle: Any comments, Cid?

Cid: Ya like me, but ya took my wallet anyway? What the hell is up with that?

Tseng: Like I said, fangirls are strange creatures.

Michelle: We aren't strange, and stop calling us creatures!

Genesis: Actually, you're quite strange.

Angeal: And we're _all _technically creatures.

Michelle: ...Hmph. Well, that's all the time we have for today, folks! Au revoir, mes amis~!

Everyone: ...?

Seph: She said "goodbye, my friends"

Michelle: Oui! But now I'll say it in English. Goodbye my friends and faithful readers! don't forget to leave me questions and feedback~!

Everyone: (groan)


	7. Excessively Longness!  :D

Michelle: (walks into the studio and yawns) G'morning, people.

Zack: First, it's like, nine at night right now.

Reno: Second, you're late as hell.

Michelle: (pout) S'not my fault! ...Well, actually, it is. I've been too lazy to type recently. Sorry, readers. ^^' But I'm here now, so let's get started, shall we? :D Who's my lovely assistant today?

Yazoo: I am, apparently. (digs in bag and gives Michelle-sensei a letter)

Michelle: Thank you, lovely assistant. :3

Yazoo: ...

Kadaj and Loz: (snickering under their breath)

Michelle: Okay! These are from pmspikachu!

_PiPikachu! Hiya pmspikachu here! I just have one word to say about this fic. Genius. Now onto the questions._

Vincent: Are you Seph's dad? Caus' I don't belive for one second that it's Hojo. Just look at the simalarities between the two of you. Your facial structures are very much alike, and you two have the exact same nose. Though Seph looks a lot like Lucrecia(sp?) as well.

Cloud:... I don't like you. At all.

Sephiroth: Can i have a hug?

That's all for now! Bye!

Michelle: Thanks! I'm glad you like it. :D

Cloud: ... (stands Vincent and Seph next to each other)

Everyone: (looking between Seph and Vincent) O.o

Zack: Dude, I can totally see them being related...

Angeal: As can I...

Genesis: Me, too...

Michelle: They do look alike, don't they? But can you give us an actual answer, Vince?

Vincent: If I had the answer, I would tell you.

Reno: Condoms were invented for a _reason_, Vinny.

Vincent: I know that, but everything is different in a lab.

Yuffie: Ooh, let's make them go on Oprah!

Seph:No_._

Yuffie: The Maury Show?

Vincent: _No_.

Yuffie: ...Jerry Springer?

Seph and Vincent: _NO_!

Yuffie: (pout)

Michelle: Let's move on before Yuffie gets shot or beheaded. Cloud?

Cloud: What did I do?

Zack: Aww, don't worry, Spiky, I still love ya. (glomps Cloud)

Cloud: Ugh. Why do you insist on raping me on a daily basis?

Zack: (gasp) This isn't rape! Trust me, when I rape you, you'll know. ;3

Cloud: ... -.-'

Michelle: ...Seph, give the reviewer a hug so we can move on.

Seph: Why me?

Michelle: Because the reviewer asked for it, because I said so, and because you are my slave until this fic is over. B3

Seph: ... (glares at Michelle-sensei and sighs) Alright, just one. (hugs pmspikachu) There, will that suffice?

Michelle: Quite. Thank you, Seph. :)

Everyone: O.O

Genesis: Did that fourteen year old girl really just get the mighty General Sephiroth to give a random fan a hug?

Everyone: (nod)

Angeal: ...She _must _be a goddess.

Reno: Or at least have some really strong devil powers!

Michelle: No goddess, no powers, just logic, charisma, and blackmail. :3

Yuffie: Ooh, so devious~!

Michelle: Why thank you. B3 The next letter on my list is one from KHGiggle, but I can't do them just yet. ^^' So I'll save hers for a later date. So, new letter! (digs in bag) Here's one from organization13girl!

_Vincent:My sister entered my review before I could say no .And I am not a fangirl,please understand this!I dont have posters all over my room of you guys and squeal like an idiot when I see you in the games or movies or whatever else fangirls do._

Kadaj:*gives more chocolate*Enough said by that gesture.

Yazoo:Thank you Yazoo!

Loz:I almost forgot,if you could have ANY weapon,even one that isnt real,what weapon would you have?And it cannot be your current weapon.

Reno:I agree with my sis,be afraid you can have it back!*gives empty wallet*I have no more use for it.

Cloud:Can I have Jenova?Pwease?I will leave you alone for 7 .

Cid:Taking a wallet but not taking anything from it is not torture.*gives back wallet*Just wanted to prove my ninjer skills.

Rufus:That doesn't help at all...umm other than there where have you been?

Michelle:Yay,sister who writes awesome stories and is a theif and likes FF and this sentence has grammer issues!*hugs*

Yuffie:Si!That be epic!What do you wanna steal first and from who?

Sephy:(thats right Imma call you Sephy)Your awesome..just..your awesome and fun to fight in the games.

Michelle: YAAAAAAY! (super tackle Zack-glomps organization13girl) I have a sister! Tis epic! :D And that sentence does have grammer issues. XD

Everyone: -.-'

Tseng: Focus, Michelle-sensei. Stop glomping the daylights out of the reviewer and host your story.

Michelle: (pout) Fine.

Vincent: If that's the case, then I understand. I apologize.

Yazoo: Do fangirls really do that?

Michelle: Some of them do. They turn their room into shrines for their favorite characters and squeal when they see them in shows and movies and stuff. A couple even snuggle with body pillows with a character's picture on it. Most aren't that bad, though.

Everyone: ...shrines? O.o

Michelle: Yes, shrines. My friend JuJu thinks I have a shrine to Axel.

Reno: (cringes)

Zack: Do you?

Michelle: Nah. I just have a picture of him that _SHE _drew on my binder. But that's beside the point. Admit it, you totally wanna call Kadaj cute again. :)

Kadaj: Ooh, more chocolate~! (om noms the chocolate)

Yazoo: ...Why do I even _try _to stop him? He'll just eat it anyway.

Kadaj: Yupthat'sright, noonecantellmewhattodo, becauseI'mjustthatepic~!

Everyone: -.-'

Yazoo: You're welcome. Alert us if you find anything.

Loz: Umm...Big brother's brunette friend...

Cloud: Zack?

Loz: Nope, not him, the other one...the guy with the lion necklace.

Cloud: ...Leonhart?

Loz: Yeah, him! I wanna try his weapon. :D

Zack: (gasp) Cloud! Are you cheating on me?

Cloud: Wait, what? We aren't together.

Zack: (pout) Fine, I see how it is! (Stalks away to avoid laughing himself into a coma)

Cloud: Crap, Zack... (follows) Stop acting like a chick!

Everyone: XD

Michelle: Ooookay, back on topic. Here's your wallet, Reno. :3 (gives empty wallet)

Reno: What the hell, man! I had 1,000 gil in there!

Michelle: And now you don't. :) CLOUD! GET OUR ASS BACK HERE AND ANSWER YOUR QUESTION!

Cloud: (Still trying to find the now hiding Zack) I'm busy at the moment, but tell her no, she can't have Jenova no matter how long she's willing to leave me alone.

Michelle: ...He said no, you can't have Jenova no matter how long you're willing to leave him alone. (sigh) no fun, are ya, Spiky?

Cloud: Nope. (goes to look for Zack in another room)

Seph: ...Where did Fair go?

Angeal: (points up)

Everyone: ... (follows his finger)

Zack: (stuck to the ceiling) Um...hiya! ^^'

Everyone: O.o

Aerith: How did you get up there?

Zack: (shrug) I found a graviga materia. :3

Michelle: Well get down!

Zack: Um...

Angeal: I don't think he knows how.

Everyone: ...

Reno: Well, then one of two things will happen. One, he'll get lucky and figure out how to get down, or two-

Zack: AGH! (falls off the ceiling and lands on Genesis)

Reno: ...the materia will wear off. -.-'

Genesis: Puppy, get off of me!

Zack: Right, sorry. ^^' (gets up and offers a hand to Genesis)

Genesis: (glares and stands up on his own)

Michelle: ...moving on. Cid, here's your wallet. (gives Cid's wallet back)

Cid: ... (looks through wallet) Damn, ya really didn't take anythin'. Thanks, kid.

Michelle: I told you, we don't steal from our allies. :) So, Rufus?

Rufus: Besides recovering, I haven't been doing anything. Tseng wouldn't let me whenever I tried. (glare)

Tseng: (rolls eyes)

Everyone: O.o

Michelle: I know I did this already, but oh well. (super glomp) Yay! :D

Everyone: -.-'

Yuffie: Hmm...ooh, let's steal Reno's hair dye! :D

Michelle: Ooh, perfect~! He'll go crazy without it!

Reno: For the last damn time, I DON'T DYE MY HAIR! D:

Yuffie: Suuuure you don't. :3

Michelle: So that just leaves Sephy. B3

Seph: (glare) Thank you, but please don't call me Sephy.

Zack: But I call you Sephy all the time!

Seph: Without my permission.

Zack: hmph!

Cloud: (sigh) I couldn't find- (sees Zack) ...Zack.

Zack: Hiya, Spiky! :D

Cloud: ...no comment.

Zack: -^^- (innocent smile)

Michelle: Well, now that our cast is back, let's continue! (goes into bag and pulls out yet another letter) Here's another from Riayna Darkheart!

_Hello again!_

I've come up with some questions and I hope they are at least decent.

I'm trying to amuse people here.

And get some answers.

Michelle: Wait, can I question you? If not, ignore these questions: They make all that gil and still haven't given you anything for reviving their names as stars? Seriously, you are way to kind for doing this for free. Also, can I give stuff to the characters? Example: Gifts, food, hugs, etc.

Yuffie: Do you think you can get away with stealing Sephiroth's Masamune and live? Can you try? Oh, and *hand over Phoenix Down*. Now I am not responsible for anything that may happen if you try.

Sephiroth: Sorry about the previous question. Since you aren't present in the series anymore to kill Cloud I got bored. I've been waiting for a long time, and the way Square Enix thinks I'll be waiting till I grow old and die. And how did you let Cloud kill you even once with a 7 foot long weapon? I mean, if I had that thing I'd just jab him with it every time he gets within a 7 foot distance. Your last name was never revealed in FFVII or any of the compilation. People argue over whether it was Valentine or Hojo, but can't you just say it's Crescent? That would leave the fans wondering forever, but at least you'll have a last name.

Cloud: *grins* I just had a flashback of you being emo again. Oh wait, when are you not? If you can't tell by now, I'm a Sephiroth fan. Don't worry, this is a Q&A, not Truth or Dare, so i can't (physically) harm you. Doesn't mean your mind will be safe.

Vincent the Vampire: Yes, I just called you that. No, you can't kill me. Are you hearing any voices in your head now? Can I call you Vincent the Vampire from now on? Or Vinnie the Vampire? Okay, I know it sounds funny but you'll live. Although I might die laughing. *tries to restrain laughter*

Okay, this is long enough. Hopefully there will be a next time so i can continue questioning your cast. Please don't give up on this like so many others have done with theirs! You have the support of every fangirl out there.

Michelle: It's good to know I'm supported. :3 Don't worry, i'm not gonna be giving up on this fic anytime soon. Yeah, you can give the cast stuff. And...sure, I guess I'll take questions too. I haven't asked them for payment, because being able to make friends with them is reward enough. :)

Everyone: ... (all of a sudden feeling very guilty for not giving Michelle-sensei anything)

Reno: Aw, c'mon! Stop trying to play us for fools!

Michelle: But I'm not! D:

Yuffie: Reno, would it kill ya to be nice to her?

Vincent: She does keep our fame alive...

Marlene: And she's not evil, you big meanie!

Michelle: (angry vein) YES I AM!

Yazoo: You're too nice to be evil, Michelle-sensei.

Michelle: Hmph!

Yuffie: And I already did steal masamune! In episode six~! :D

Seph: Hence why I've kept it in an undisclosed location from then on.

Yuffie: Oh please. Sticking it behind your dresser won't help it. B3

Seph: ...Excuse me. (goes to find a new hiding spot)

Everyone: O.o

Tifa: How'd you know it was there?

Yuffie: I didn't. But I do now! 8D

Everyone: ...

Seph: (returns) There, now even you cannot find it.

Yuffie: I'll find a way. ;)

Michelle: And I'll help her. But for now, just answer your questions, Seph. :3

Seph: Well...It isn't as simple as just jabbing him whenever he gets within my range. It's more finding ways to counter his attacks before making my own. And that's the name I go by.

Michelle: Sephiroth Crescent? It has a nice ring to it. :)

Genesis: He signs his name with Crescent, too.

Seph: Although, it's true, my paternal last name was never confirmed to be Hojo or Valentine. I can understand why fangirls would argue over it. But, no, I will not reveal which it is.

Yuffie: Which means he doesn't know himself. ^^

Seph: ...

Michelle: No, you can't kill her. Any comments, Cloud?

Cloud: ...I'm not emo.

Zack: Maybe the fangirls will believe that when you stop acting like one. :3

Cloud: ...

Michelle: If you want to do physical harm to him...I might accept a request or two. :3

Cloud: Hey!

Michelle: Nothing too bad, chill, Cloudy. :) You're next, Vincent.

Vincent: I can hear Chaos, if that is what you mean. And no, you may not call me Vinnie the Vampire. I get enough of that nickname from Reno. I don't want it from reviewers, too.

Reno: Aww, we give you corny nicknames because we love you, Vinnie! :3

Vincent: I don't care why you give them to me, the fact remains that I don't want them.

Reno: You're such a killjoy, Vamp Vinnie...

Vincent: ...

Michelle: I might just die laughing too. XD

Vincent: I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Michelle: Hmph! (looks at clock) Well...I got some more time. Letter number four, away~! (pulls it out) Here's one from oodball167!

_Q&A's had never been my thing, but I must admit they can be rather... refreshing. From time to time, that is._

Hence my first time raising questions for an Q&A:

To Miss Gainsborough, which of Zack's hairstyle do you like more, before or after Modeoheim?

To Mr. Rhapsodos, Bukowski or Shakespeare?

To the host, Michelle, why most of fangirls likes yaoi? Is for the same reason most of us guys likes yuri?

Cordially from Acheron, oodball167.

Michelle: Ooh, such formality. :) Unnecessary here, but quite respectable. ^^ Well, Aerith? I personally like pre-Modeoheim. :3

Aerith: Hmm...post-Modeoheim. I think that incident is what made his hair so gravity defying. :)

Zack: So my hair before wasn't gravity defying? (pout)

Aerith: (giggle) It was, it's just spikier now.

Yuffie: Yup! You could impale people with it! :D

Zack: Ha, that's gruesome. XD

Michelle: Your hair should be a registered weapon, Zack. :3 Genesis' turn~!

Genesis: ...Tough to say. Most likely Shakespeare.

Michelle: Me, too. :) And that's a really good question. Why do fangirls like yaoi...?

Yuffie: Because it's hot?

Tifa: Because it's two guys?

Cissnei: Do we really need a reason?

Michelle: ...I agree with Cissnei. XD But I can't really answer, since I don't know why boys like yuri. I like it because it's sexy and different than the usual. What else can I say?

Yuffie: You can mention that there are yuri fangirls, too.

Michelle: Oh, yeah, there are. although they're not as rare as yaoi ones. I like yuri too, actually. :3 But yeah, I can't explain it any better than that. ^^' (rummages through mailbag) Next one from VictoriaValentine101!

_Hello again! so I have some qestions for you._

Cloud: Do you ever get misstaken for a chocobo?

Tseng: Strage creatures! for calling fangirls that I should take out your eyes and throw them down a well! but since I feel nice today I wont, but don't think I can't change my mind.

Sephiroth: How do you get your bangs like that?

Vincent: I had a bad day today. Can I have a hug? :)

That's it. love you all!

Cloud: Uh huh. Kadaj mistook me for a chocobo in episode 5.

Seph: Didn't an actual flock mistake you as one of their own?

Cloud: Erm...

Zack: I remember that! _And _they mistook him for a _female _chocobo!

Tifa: The males tried to mate with him.

Yuffie: And the girls tried to attack him for stealing their husbands! :D

Tifa: Yuffie, chocobos don't have husbands.

Yuffie: ...oh yeah. ^^'

Michelle: ... (imagining this) ...Pfft...hahahahaha! XDDD

Cloud: -/ / /- Shut up.

Michelle: Relax, Cloudette. :3 So what's up with your hair, Seph?

Seph: What about it?

Angeal: How do you get your bangs to stick out like that?

Seph: I don't do anything, they just stay like that.

Everyone: O.o

Zack: (sneaks to bathroom)

Aerith: You don't do anything to it?

Seph: Nothing at all.

Michelle: Sheesh, why do you guys all have freaky hair? O.o

Zack: (sneaks back in with a bucket of water)

Seph: I'm not sure. And I swear, Zackary, if you throw that water on me, I won't refrain from stabbing you.

Zack: (freezes) Oh, um, this water? It wasn't for you, it was for...um...

Seph: (lightbulb moment) Give me that bucket, Zack.

Zack: what for?

Seph: (smirking) You'll see.

Zack: ... (gulps and hands the bucket over)

Seph: (takes bucket and dumps it on Genesis' head)

Everyone: O.O

Genesis: (gasp) C-c-cold! S-Seph-Sephir-Sephiroth! W-what was t-that f-f-for?

Seph: (examining Genesis' face) Huh. I always had a hunch that you wore makeup.

Everyone: (stares at Genesis' running eyeliner) O.O

Michelle: (sigh) Genesis, go dry off before you get sick. (throws a towel) And you could have asked him!

Seph: (shrug) This seemed quicker.

Michelle: Oi. Can we get back on topic now?

Tseng: Alright. I apologize, but I simply can't wrap my head around a fangirl's behavior.

Yuffie: That doesn't give you the right to criticize us, though!

Tseng: I'm not!

Everyone: Yes you are. -.-'

Tseng: ...

Vincent: And no, you may not-

Michelle: (glaring at Vincent)

Vincent: ... (sighs and gives VictoriaValentine101 a hug)

Michelle: Good boy.

Vincent: (growl)

Michelle: Well, normally I woulda ended this about three reviews ago, but since I've gone this far, might as well finish em, right? Next ones are from nightsilent!

_This made my ,Night here!So...here are my questions._

Michelle-sensei:Thank you for adding my dare from the KH fic.

Sephiroth:You do realize Jenova is not your mother,right?

Cloud:Do you like Chocobos?

Aerith:Is there a particular flower you like?

Elena:You remind me of Larxene...Are you related in anyway?

Reno:Remember me?Though I doubt ,heh.

And that's about of which,Hojo,Vexen might like these top-secret documents.-waves them in front of his face before running off-

Michelle: You're welcome! :) Although, I'm sorry to say that fic has been put on hold, since I have school, plot bunnies, and six other chapter stories to deal with at the moment. ^^' Seph?

Seph: Biologically, she isn't, but genetically, she is. And that's why the whole topic of who my actual mother is has been very confusing.

Yazoo: And then the topic of who _our _mother is just makes it more confusing.

Yuffie: But it does make for some interesting debates within the fangirl world! :D

Seph: Very much so. But the sad part is that the fangirls actually make sense in their theories.

Tifa: Fangirls are good at making sense of things.

Michelle: Quite. :3 Next!

Cloud: Of course I like them. I used to go to my cousin's chocobo farm when I was little to take care of them.

Zack: Besides, he looks enough like one. :3

Cloud: Zack, shut up...

Zack: Hey, it's true!

Aerith: (giggling) I like roses, but lillies and daffodils are pretty, too. :)

Michelle: Roses are love, lillies are peace, and daffodils are happiness in flower language. :D

Aerith: Right. -^^-

Reno: (gasp) Elena, you're related to that bitchy blonde? O.o

Elena: Well, sort of...Larxene is the nobody of Relena Peacecraft, my cousin. So I suppose I'd be related to Larxene, too.

Everyone: O.O

Elena: ...What?

Michelle: (snicker) It seems there are a lot of FF characters that're related to KH ones. :3 Reno?

Reno: No, I don't remember you, and I'm pretty sure I don't wanna.

Michelle: Ooh, harsh, dude.

Reno: No it ain't, she's one of the reviewers from your other fic. She tortured me there, she sure as hell ain't gonna torture me here.

Michelle: She will if I let her. :3

Reno: ...you wouldn't.

Michelle: I would. B)

Reno: ...I'll shut up now. T.T

Michelle: Good boy. :D

Hojo: Hmm...It appears she's gotten her hands on my personal records. I wonder which file she took... (goes and looks) ...my failed experiment folder.

Michelle: A failed experiment folder?

Hojo: Yes, exactly. Even was rather...eager to enter the field of science, so I-

Angeal: So you took advantage of that and used him as a test subject.

Hojo: It sounds so much more devious when you say it, but yes, that would be the gist of it.

Michelle: So what's in the folder?

Hojo: Oh, mainly descriptions of the experiments and photographs of the results. One experiment changed his eye color, while another one changed his gender. The eye color effect was permanant, the genderbending, not as much. Those, coupled with several other experiments and side effects of them.

Everyone: ...

Michelle: He's gonna kill you.

Hojo: If he was going to, he would've done it when it happened.

Michelle: ...Well, that's true. Well, there's one more letter! And it's from gstol1!

_gstol1 here, to give the people of the FFVII universe some questions... And if they are not answered truthfully... lets just say, I'll cut you into a million pieces. Except for anyone in Crisis Core or DoC. Anyways..._

Seph: You should meet Weiss. He's awesome... would you, if you got the chance?

Genesis: Did you know, that in Crisis Core, I end up kicking the godesses butt before you even meet her?

Zack: You shouldn't have died... First, God Mode. *casts it on Zack* Second, why did you steal my Graviga materia?

From your very-sorry-for-not-updating-because-of-circumstances-I-can't-control reviewer

gstol1

Michelle: Yaaay, Skife! :D (huggles gstol1) Good to see you're still alive over there. Nexus and Vincent and the rest haven't tried to overthrow you yet? And it's fine. Y'know, life happens. :3

Everyone: O.o

Angeal: You know a lot of the reviewers, don't you?

Michelle: Not exactly...Skife and I just go back and forth with random reviews on our interactive stories. :)

Everyone: Ah.

Seph: To answer, I suppose I would meet him, if I had the chance. It would be interesting to see a man with bleached hair.

Loz: His hair is white.

Yazoo: That's what he means by bleached, Loz.

Loz: ...oh. ^^'

Genesis: You did _what_? :(

Michelle: Does he look familiar to you, Genesis?

Genesis: ... (gasp) You were the one who assaulted me in Banora! (shiver)

Everyone: O.o

Zack: What happened to him?

Michelle: Um...Skife kicked him in the nuts with a steel toed boot. Repeatedly. But only because Sephiroth asked him to.

Everyone: ...pfft...hahahahaha! XD

Genesis: _Sephiroth_! You _asked _him to attack me? _Why_? D:

Seph: Revenge for when you got cross-eyed drunk and tried to give me a lap dance at the SOLDIER's club night.

Everyone: (mentally picturing it) O.O

Michelle: Wow. Way to go, Gen. (thumbs up)

Angeal: From then on, Genesis was carded whenever he got within a ten meter radius of alcohol.

Genesis: It wasn't my fault, it was the beer goggles!

Seph: Even so, SOLDIER firsts should be more dignified than that.

Genesis: Fine, I'll do it sober next time. B)

Seph: Try it and get stabbed.

Zack: (in god mode) Awesome! Thanks, dude. :D You're right, they shouldn't have killed me off. (pout) And this was yours? (pulls the materia he conveniently found out of his pocket. Sorry. I used it to hide from Cloud and ended up bellyfloping on Genesis. ^^'

Genesis: Sonething I have yet to forgive you for. I'll send you my dry cleaning bill.

Zack: (groan)

Michelle: Okay, that was super long! For those of you still reading, I thank you, and please leave me a review! :D

Kadaj: (still hyper) Pleasepleasepleeeeeease? :3

Zack: With sugar on top? :3

Reno: And a cherry from Reno? :3

Michelle: Oh, and I also wanna ask those of you who know Kingdom Hearts to read my story, Boredom. It was my first attempt at knowingly writing comedy, and I wanna know if I've failed. ^^; Thankies! G'night, my minions~! lol :3

Kadaj, Zack and Reno: (frantically waving goodbye and grinning like idiots)

Everyone: -.-'


End file.
